I went to my first church service today at Arncliffe Uniting Church, no I’m not converting to Catholicism, it was for a special event for Family and Friends of Missing Persons Group. The Christian service was very nice though, they played inspirational songs and sang praise to god. Being a Buddhist by family, I never once felt uncomfortable standing up and listening to everyone sing. The service it wasn’t in your face at all.

They read from the Bible, Genesis 37 to 50, the story of the family of Jacob. The story of Jacob is of how Jacob, the father, and his favourite son Joseph and how Jacob thought his son had been killed and mourned his death all his life until once day finding out that Joseph was alive. The story goes into much more detail than my recollection, but its about finding your lost loves ones alive after all hope is lost.

I was invited to speak about my story of finding my missing mother, one of the organisers of this F&FofMPG had been to the Fall of Saigon exhibition and thought my work was very appropriate and that I should show part of it at the special service. My work for the exhibition was titled, Lost and Found / Mom & Me.

I talked from memory about my experiences, about how meeting my mom felt to me and telling about my feelings, everything came out easily because it was from the heart, and because I’ve told the story a number of times now. I added a bit about how meeting my mother for the first time felt like, it was like a Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker moment, where Darth goes “I am your father”. They appreciated the humour in what was a very sombre day where everyone talked about and reflected on their missing loved ones.

Meeting the parents and family members of missing people afterwards, talking to them and hearing their stories really hits home on you how lucky we are; we still have our loved ones around to talk to, to play with, to fight with, to hold and love. I was constantly reminded of how my little cousin is no longer with us.

People go missing for various reason, wether they’ve met foul play, because of mental illness or they just wanted to be missing and not be found (living another life). The results are still the same, they leave behind families in despair, who are saddened by the loss but are always passionately hopeful that the missing are still alive. The term for this as coined by the organiser, is “missingness”.

The ladies at the Arncliffe Uniting Church make the best scones, scones spread with jam topped with cream, yum! It was a lovely sunny day, talking about my experience and giving people hope felt very meaningful.

A Thank you email from AUC.

Good Morning Kevin,

I want to add my words of appreciation to those of Paul - for your gracious, intimate, and inspiration sharing of yourself at the Missing Person’s Service on Sunday. I know that you would have heard on the day from others who were moved by your story and the ways in which it resonated with the stories of their own lives. The open expressions of emotion were an indication that we were able to be real with one another, a real hope in our planning of the service…

In my own case, I was particularly moved by your statement ‘I am 26 (?) years of age and I have only been with my mother for 4 hours of my life’. Amanda, my partner, was moved by your statement ‘even migrating birds, find their way home’ and was taken completely by surprise, about her own deep feelings of ‘missing’ a cousin, she has never known.

Kevin, most of all, I was deeply touched that you came, as a person from outside the Christian tradition to what was essentially Christian church service, to share a common story of searching and finding and hope, that brought ‘good news’ to our gathering, as a high point of our service.

All of this confirms my view that when we share those things that are most personal, we are connected most deeply to that which is common - in naming our aloneness, we discover we are not alone! I am sure this is something you find repeatedly as you express yourself in story, art and design! (I am reminded of the story of the Six Blind Men and the Elephant)

Thank you Kevin, for the many ways your life and art, adds to that great body of good in the universe! Both in the upfront ways that you share your gifts - story and art - and in the simple ways, you roll up a piece of paper, pull a beacon in place, and play cricket with some young boys.

Thank you also for sharing (in your email to Paul) of your own emotion and experience, after having heard my reading of Nigel & Ruth’s Poem for Brenton. That was an encouragement to me and will bring joy to them also!

I am sure that we will meet again, and I will look forward to that moment.

In the meantime, at our meeting at Arncliffe UCA on Wednesday night, we will make a commitment to Amnesty International, as you have requested, and as a small token of our appreciation, for your gift to us.

Warm regards, fellow traveller,

Terry Ayling
Resource Minister
Arncliffe Uniting Church

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 22nd, 2005 at 11:16 pm and is filed under Happenings.